of thee i sing

so this morning, I was sitting outside for a moment while my dog was eating breakfast, and I paused. just for a minute. just stopped shivering, stopped lamenting the fact that I wasn't in bed any longer. stopped everything, and just listened: and i heard something i haven't heard in a long, long time. a bird chirped. a little 3 or 4 note song that i'm taking as a sign that spring is coming. it's still february, at least for a couple more days... but i can honestly say that I haven't heard that bird's song for 4 or 5 months. I feel like the last time I heard it was last spring. almost a year ago. finishing Angels in America, getting ready for Sweet Charity. God, that was a year ago.

I'm getting tired of car commercials, computer companies and home improvement stores telling me what life is all about. telling me that if I'm not that wacko on the subway dancing to the music I just downloaded, or the person who isn't afraid to "make a statement" by painting my walls the same color as my favorite shirt, that I must be somehow dead inside. the only people grabbing life by the balls and really expressing their inner voices are the people who are ordering the three course meal deal at TGI Fridays. this is the thing that annoys me about "alternative" music. what is it the alternative to? it used to be something different... and then everyone was assimilated. it seems that any time someone does something different, it doesn't challenge the Institution. it doesn't send a shockwave of revolution throughout the populous, marking a time and date where the trajectory of human existence changed directions... it seems that it just becomes the new Institution. and then all of it's power is gone.
I don't know where any of this is coming from. I think there may have been some acid slipped into that last pot of coffee or something. wait until I tell you about my matrix theory about what it means to be "human." and, if I may, please notice that that is a lower case 'm' in matrix, and not "Matrix." I'm not getting into a big computer/what is reality/master & slave thing... just your good old rows & columns.

note to self: begin a television show. it will become popular and successful as long as you start each episode with a character asking a question (preferably in voice-over). then, over the course of the show, the characters and situations go about exploring that question. finally, ending each episode with a voice over where the same character that first asked the question discusses the question a bit more, and finally offers some nugget of wisdom... beit an answer or not.

See also: Sex and the City

See also: Grey's Anatomy

See also: Doogie Howser, M.D.

is that word (perfect)?

heed the cup

april 10th, 2006. 1:05 P.M.
tickets go on sale March 11th, 2006.

i cannot wait. i must spend more time there this year. my bones are soft from lack of nitrates, nitrates found only in hot dogs. my soul is weak from lack of draft beer sold in big plastic commemorative cups. my heart is empty from not seeing the sun go down behind the buildings in too long. the eternal hope this time of year brings. the little belief that this really is The Year.



Opening Day is a time to either freeze your ass off AND drink your ass off, or just drink your face off. This particular year (I believe it to be 2003?) it was cold, but i had a liquid heater flowing through my veins. this woman happened to sit in front of us, and was more drunk than i was. her only requirement in looking for a man was: "you have hair?" Thus, "heed the cup."


i generally also bring my car out of hibernation on Opening Day. that truly makes it the best day of the year. by the end of the summer, i always learn to take my car for granted. it's just another car, and just another driving experience. fast and fun, but nothing like it is that first day you bring her out... watching the tach calibrate when you first start the car, seeing the instrument panel come to life. hearing the exhaust rumble. feeling how cold the shifter is from being out in the garage all winter. that first day, and for the beginning of spring and summer, every movie i've missed, and every meal that i've eaten at home alone becomes worth it.

sleep well my darling. you will breathe fire again soon....

oh what a world

men reading fashion magazines

i'm trying a new configuration for my adjustable desk here at work.

i've lowered the portion of the desk that has my monitor on it, and raised up the little portion that hold my keyboard and mouse. this way, i look down on my monitor a little bit, and type at a normal level. i don't know how i feel about it yet. i have the screen tilted up now, and it's catching some glare from the overhead lights.

there are less than 7 days left in february. i can't wait for spring.

flames rise like butterflies
been frightened by my stompin
i'm laughin cause they don't know who i am
the philistines toss tangerines
and spring time is for dancing
in like a lion and out like a lamb

that first day when you go to school without a jacket, and you feel your backpack right on your shoulders.
'dear prudence' on the stereo while you clean your room.
'out like a lamb' blasting on your car stereo while you drive to campus.
'sincerely me' blasting on your car stereo while you drive to 'Picasso' rehearsal.
'testify' blasting on your car stereo while you drive to 'damn yankees' rehearsal.
'ruby sees all' blasting on your car stereo while you drive to... some rehearsal.

what will this spring bring me?

do the wonders never cease?

how to walk in the United States

next week: How To Choose a Bathroom Stall

dino kitty wants music

so, i'm back.
from texas, from inebriation, from the brink of murderous rage in the DFW airport.
and now i drink my coffee out of a 12 oz. 'bistro' mug.

i have arrived.

jager... as in chuck

i hereby swear to live each moment to the fullest, without regard to the past. although we all know i'm a sentimental bastard. a song, or drink, or smell can take me back to months and years ago. like now, Sum41 is on... and that reminds me of Wisco... coincidence? me thinks not.


listen to more weezer. listen to more dashboard confessional. listen to more random sexual photoshop bitches.

drunk is the best adjective in the english language....... that and "f**k you, bitch."

things that made me laugh today

"How much are you worth, by the way?"
"I don't know."
"Over ten million?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Good, good."
"Why?"
"'Cause we're gonna need all of it."

===============================================

"I, uh, actually wrote a different version of the play two years ago, but I couldn't get it done over at Rushmore."
"Oh, really? Why? Too political?"
"No, a kid got his finger blown off during rehearsals."

===============================================

===============================================

pretty things

the other day i auditioned for a paying role in a play that has never been performed or staged before. the part i auditioned for is a young man who is trying to be a stand-up comedian. so, after the director and PLAYWRITE had me do my prepared monologue, they had me do a short monologue from the show. it was a little piece where the character is doing his stand up, and he's really bad. but, that's the point. so, i did that, and i'm used to making an ass of myself on stage, so i didn't think it went too badly.

however.

after that, the director says "ok scott, very nice. what we'd like to do now is to have you improvise a little stand up of your own. go back to your childhood, and don't worry about being funny necessarily."

[heart stops. mind ferociously racing through the 31 years of my life, searching for any joke - knock, knock or otherwise- to do here. nothing. nothing but the most vulgar, racist, explicit jokes are coming to mind. things i would not be comfortable saying in mixed company who i barely know and who, coincidentally, are also the head of the acting MFA program at wayne state.]

so, i luckily landed on a Rolls Canardly joke my father used to tell when i was little. it's basically a 2 line joke, so i fleshed it out into a story. i don't think it went too badly, but who knows. but as i was walking out of that audition, i made a vow to myself that i would memorize more jokes. i would have more anecdotal stories to tell at parties. i would rehearse and polish my joke telling and story telling abilities. not just for the rare chance that i need standup material again, but just to have a couple to use in appropriate situations. parties. elevators. speeches.

this is the kinda crap that necessitates me being independently wealthy. that, or a kept man. because i want to spend my days increasing my vocabulary. i want to spend my days polishing my story telling ability. i want to spend my days organizing and re-organizing everything in my house. figuring out how to suspend and power theatrical lighting in my house... and then designing different scenes for my living room. really digging into new authors, artists, and musicians. i think it's a shame that i only have enough time to listen to 2 or 3 rufus wainwright songs at a time, because i only really listen in my car. i think it's a shame that i heard two great songs this morning on my way into work on XMU (channel 43) that i'm afraid i'll never really get to dig into and let affect me. the new pornographers and bloc party. i've decided that it's not that i don't like indie music, it's just certain types of indie that i don't like. which shouldn't be a surprise to me. everyone is that way about everything all the time. whatever. i know it's confusing to read, because it's confusing in my head, and THAT'S WHY I NEED to spend the time to figure it all out!!!! the time, money, and resources to really explore whatever suits my fancy that day.

coffee is a dangerous and malicious drug... that i love.

what's with the long face?

time to dry out

this is an old picture of me from about 2000? it was taken by my friend eric weisbrod at a little bar in madison, wisconsin called Magnus. on certain nights a girl named joy would sing jazz standards and we would go there to listen and drink. eric had just gotten his camera i believe, and was looking for subjects to take interesting pictures. i can't say this one fills that criteria, but i was screwing around with the colorization of the photo.
i remember club magnus being incredibly pretentious, especially for a small wisconsian town. i remember caitlin ordering us a plate of cheeses from around the world. i still can't get one of those tastes out of my mouth. nevertheless, i would like to go back to madison some time, and visit all of the old haunts. magnus was a particular favorite, just because it was small, and near my house, and pretentious, and fun. it was quiet, save for the jazz, which was nice. it lacks a comparitor from my current residence. i'm sure there is one, but have not had the pleasure of coming upon it. i never would have found magnus, frankly, if caitlin hadn't suggested we try it one night. but i'm glad she did. i look back on those nights fondly. where i could sit and drink and write in my journal about the way i saw the world at that moment.

someone help me

"here, i made it with lots of milk and sugar. it's more comforting that way. you sure you don't want some eggs or an english or something?"

i have 'Blaze of Glory' by bon jovi in my head. where it came from, i have no idea. why it won't leave? i have no idea.

oh carmela, where are you to make me a cup of coffee in one of those pastel striped mugs with lots of milk and sugar? and i would love an english... thank you. i'm just having trouble these days. because Lord, i never drew first, but i drew first blood.

make

it


stop.

no, really kiefer, bite me.

an audition for wayne state.
a necessary mid-afternoon cocktail after said audition.
a meal with my family in which at one point or another, every member of the family was crying.
a drinking festival at 5 Ave in royal oak on a saturday night that ends at 2:10 am and with a bloody nose (not on me).
hysterics, fritos, and the bottom of my hot water heater until about 4.
louie's pizza, and audition #2 in livonia.
time to chill out to some olympics.

the flying tomato gonna f U c < you up.

mission control

here goes nothing...

"Yes, Isaac?"

"What about that problem?"
"Oh, that? Don't worry about that."
"Wait. Why?"
"I just put that up as a joke. That's probably the hardest geometry equation in the world."
"Well, how much extra credit is it worth?"
"Well, considering I've never seen anyone get it right, including my mentor- Dr. Leaky at MIT, I guess if anyone here can solve that problem, I'd see to it that none of you ever have to open another math book again... for the rest of your lives."

I have a soft spot in my heart for mathematics... up to a certain point. there are people who take it too far. these are the men who i had as teaching assistants in college. they're graduate and post-graduate students of mathematics. their brain and their work exists in a place that they've never seen, touched, or experienced. they make math jokes about non-orientability, and zero-volume bottles. while i admire the technical ability necessary to make them, and have thought several times about buying one to set on my desk as a "i'm-smarter-than-you" conversation starter:
"hey dude, what's that?"
"oh, that's a klein bottle."
"what's a klein bottle?"
"[patronizing pause, and maybe even a slight eye-roll] it's a non-orientable, zero volume, one-sided surface. didn't you have math in college?"

i'm still a little weirded out that people like this exist out there... and are able to procreate.
check them out: http://www.kleinbottle.com/whats_a_klein_bottle.htm I think it's that i find their humor a little funny, and that means i'm closer to being able to relate to them than i am to not...

if you go back to the root page (kleinbottle.com) and poke around a bit, you'll see what i mean.

i think i just figured out what i want for my first tattoo: the polynomial form of the Klein bottle equation. how hot would that look running down my biceps?

l'eggo my prosthetic!

some scary shit goin' down around here at work. retirement pension caps and other stuff that makes me sick to my stomach to think about. as far as i can tell, the changes rolled out today do not affect my family at all... my dad's stuff is safe, because he is already retired, and i hired in after 1993, so i never had a full pension anyway. but basically, the name of the game is to stay healthy. then none of this stuff really matters. CEO took a 50% cut in wages. put a couple more eggs of mine in the grad school basket this morning....

according to silvio, the only two industries that have been recession-proof since time immemorial are "certain aspects of the entertainment industry, and our thing."

so, i'll see what i can do saturday... if things go south, i got a line on a truck full of cigarettes coming up from cinci... anyone want to get in on it with me?

life in a vacuum

my officemate is gone.
two and a half weeks in china.
my other lunch friend is gone.
two weeks in australia.

i realize now that they are basically the two reasons i can bear my job at all. that and the paychecks that luckily haven't stopped coming yet.

saturday is my audition. a discreet point in time where i will either succeed or fail. there is really no other outcome. i'm not discounting the possibility of success that can come later out of a failure, but saturday will constitute a crossroads in my life.

before i die i am going to invent a way to portray inflection and inference through email.

6 days of February down, 22 to go.

going home and plugging in my satellite alarm clock..

band width

some times there just aren't any words to say. or type.

despite the desire to have some.


so, i take pause before the universe instead.

a week's worth of public speaking

awkward introductions in the workplace as people who have been fired and forced to lead their replacements around and introduce them to other people they'll need to work with on a thursday afternoon. quite disturbing.

when my furnace broke down a couple weekends ago, i paid the guy with my credit card. on the statement that came in the mail a couple days ago, there was no listing or charge for either day of service. however, there were charges posted after i had the work done. so, i suppose it's possible that they compile credit card purchases back at the office and post them days later, but a little part of me hopes they just forgot, because the $730 would fit really nicely in my pocket right about now.

stupid hierarchy of basic human needs. D-GIRL!

tri-axis shaker

wow. a three post-day. rehearsal tonight, maybe some alcohol afterwards, so, be ready for a possible 4th.

there's no feeling better than eating a "Lean Cuisine" frozen dinner, and then following it directly with 2 pieces of cold pizza.

ticket to ride

come to your senses?

i saw a 1 minute 19 second video yesterday that was shot in Iraq of some people being mowed down by a helicopter that was hovering 2 miles away.

i saw the 40 Year Old Virgin yesterday.

i saw the land yesterday where the Johnny Appleseed Cider Mill once stood. the same land where Eight Hour Cycle had our cd-release party.

i saw an episode of Seinfeld being broadcast on my television yesterday that was strangely not being recorded by TiVo... still not sure about that one.

i saw yesterday how the gel boomerang works in the follow spots we have at St. D's.

i saw yesterday the benefit of not having orthodontia payments taken out of every fucking paycheck for a calendar year.