things that made me laugh today

"How much are you worth, by the way?"
"I don't know."
"Over ten million?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Good, good."
"Why?"
"'Cause we're gonna need all of it."

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"I, uh, actually wrote a different version of the play two years ago, but I couldn't get it done over at Rushmore."
"Oh, really? Why? Too political?"
"No, a kid got his finger blown off during rehearsals."

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