permit me to do this a second...

i'm sort of strangely excited right now. and it's only strange because i think i'm excited because i am literally a big swirling mass of different emotions. there are things that have happened in the past 24 hours that have made me the happiest person in the world, there are things that have happened that have made me incredibly angry. there are things that have happened that have made me feel really lonely, and things that have left me feeling incredibly sad. at the same time i'm also excited about to prospect of some other things i have to do tonight. all of these "things" that have occured are all still affecting me. they are not static occurances that i've dealt with, and moved on. it's not like watching that movie this weekend with darci. it's not like as i was watching it, the tears were in my eyes, and it was hard to watch at times. when i think about it now, i remember being sad when i was watching it, but it's not still affecting me. these other things i bring up, are. so, right now, if you were able to open me up, crack my side and peel back my armor and if we could assign a different color to each of the emotions on the human spectrum, you would see a big swirl of color. not unlike those huge lollipops they used to sell at Major Magic's in the "gift" shop. red, yellow, blue, green, purple, orange... all swirled up together and in a big cyclonic shape. that's how i feel. and i can't say that i'm overall the happiest person in the world right now...

but at least i'm not lying to myself.