john brown's body

i'm just sad. and i can't seem to get out of it today. it's any number of things playing into it, and none of them are anything that i can do anything about. so, what recourse am i left with? i guess moping around with a long face. what's with the long face, mr. ed?

i've mentioned a few weeks ago that i wrote something for the first time in a long time. i think i'll include it here. it helped to get it out of me before, maybe it will help to get it out here, now.
8/15/2005
i'll break the seal and start all over
amidst the laughs and the silent majority
sitting here from my perch on high
and look down on all of you
eventually
when i'm right on center
and purified from the flame
i'll watch it burn and feel the satisfaction
of knowing you helped me get here
by being my fuel.
my God it's good to be back. riding the rush of caffeine and allowing myself to feel
to create to emote on any random subject of my choice. whatever flower pricks my fancy.
a month on the page is no month in the world.
maybe this is the key to my success. maybe this pencil dancing once again is the watershed moment i've been blind to.
pick apart the hole in the well, and little by little water enough to nourish the whole world will pour forth.
i believe in me.
i know i have it in me.
i wish i could have shown it to her
but the well was dry.
i will force it open now, and i will wash myself clean in the drops that become pools and the pools that become a raging torrent to carry away all the cobwebs and tears and hurt and fear and loneliness. a water like fire that will purify and burn away the chaff. bones picked clean, white, pure. a suitable foundation on which to build the next chapter in my life. and the fruit of my labor will nourish me and one who will carry me forward.