i'll break the seal...

i wrote tonight for the first time in what seems like forever. it was incredibly cathartic. the pencil danced on the page, and issued forth a veritable geyser... comparitively, anyway. maybe it was the caffeine, maybe it was the conversation i had on the phone with my therapist friend, maybe it was God. but from the crushing low i was in this afternoon to the frenzied peak i was at this evening at rehearsal... was quite a journey. i am coming down from this high now, but i am taking with me a sense of self that i hope won't wear away. i have a homework assignment, i have something to do tomorrow. i begin my workout tomorrow. i begin my new life tomorrow. and i will be lived under the banner of the very simple, yet incredibly poignant slogan:
you have to be a me before you can be a we.
those 12 words are a simple and easy to understand explanation for everything in my life at this point. i was trying to cram a girl i loved very dearly into an unhealthy life. i was trying to build a lifelong structure on an insufficient foundation. it wasn't her. it wasn't me with her, it was me. so, i will not villify her, i will not shuffle out the memories i have of her as quickly as they come in. they are not the problem. i am not a bad person, and i am not incapable of being everything to her. i just wasn't ready. but someday i swear on everything i hold sacred that i will be. maybe not for her, but for someone else. i can't worry about that part of it yet. it is a challenge for another day. sometime after tomorrow: the first day of the rest of my life.

melodrama anyone? it's fresh! =)