the beating of your heart baby

i think it's amazing how a day can start out one way and end up another. so, tomorrow i was supposed to meet with kate and give her the two dogs for a while. firstly because i will be in NYC this weekend, and then at stratford the following weekend, and needed someone to watch the dogs. secondly, to do the other half of the "shared custody" of our dogs who have grown to love each other so deeply over the past two years.

so, tonight i was in the middle of my keep-myself-busy chores of laundry and vacuuming when she called wondering if she could come get them tonight. at first i was dismayed at seeing her for the first time since we broke up without a full day of mental preparation, and then i was lamenting the fact that i would be losing my last night with ella for a while, and sara possibly forever. but, she came over and we talked.

there was a range of possible outcomes in my mind for our meeting that have been kicking around as the day approached... what happened was probably the best i could have hoped for. this time around there is no hostility, no adversarial nature to our new situation. there is no one-sided desire for the relationship to continue. it was basically two people who love one another, both trying to accomplish the same thing in their own lives, and doing so armed with the knowledge that we must do them on our own. i cannot believe how good i feel. i started the day under such a heavy cloud... and i couldn't shake it all day. and now, having talked to her instead of maintaining the awkward silence that ensues when a breakup occurs. i just feel good about the situation, confirmed in the fact that we feel the same way, and have the utmost respect for one another. so kate, should your eyes ever happen upon these pages, thank you. i love you. i hope we both find what we're looking for.