the clip show....
so, i've spent the last half hour or so [by the way, if you didn't read the previous post because you haven't been back for a while, it's worth reading. i know it's been forever...but i have been busy.] reading old posts. and one in particular struck my fancy. i know, i know: kill your darlings. but you have to start somewhere...
i wish every day could be like a retirement party for everyone, all the time. i've been to several, including my father's. and looking back at one of my posts in particular, made me wish that we could end our days each day with such an outlook. that i could get up every morning and carry such an idea around with me all day... look back at it... it's worth it. the post about Le Tire...
the idea that so many of life's moments pass us by, and don't become memories only because we happen to be alone... that SUCKS! so, i hereby promise to try to live each moment as it comes, and appreciate the moments, alone or with someone, that define the human experience. i don't know what it means to be human, but i bet i could figure it out if YOU'D CALL ME!
posted by twozebras at 9/06/2006 11:12:00 PM
7 Comments:
sounds like you haven't changed one bit, that is why i don't call....
Thursday, September 07, 2006 8:45:00 AM
Oh what wondrous fate has brought me here again?
Another email. Another person directs me to look. To read. So, I do. And although I have known you almost 7 years, and I can honestly say I have heard you express this exact sentiment so many times, something struck me. Something that I honestly can't believe I never saw. Something so simple, and it hit me like a ton of funny bricks.
So, no harsh words are meant, but Ize gonna says whats I gotsta say and be gone...
Scott,You live life in such a nice little bubble. =)
You seem to go through each day or week or month or year always yearning for the same thing, and never finding it.
That thing, or person, or magic spark that will finally allow you to stop trying to be and just be.
I thought about many conversations we have had about your relationship troubles and patterns. How you meet a woman and two weeks later you are in love. And each time, it is a surprise, like it has never happened before. And I finally realized something.
You get intoxicated with that period of time when you first meet someone. The "newness". The excitement of it all. That period of time, that no matter what you do, you are the nicest, smartest, most talented man in the world.
But unfortunately, that ain't life kid. That always wears off. No matter what. And then you lose interest. And the whole pattern starts all over.
You seem to surround yourself with people who will only tell you how great you are. And you ARE great. I really mean that. You are an incredibly giving, caring and kind man. BUT you can also be one hell of a moody prick. And I think you hate that about yourself. And if someone is honest enough to point out a flaw, then the spell is broken and things fall apart.
Life is messy bud. Making any kind of relationship work, be it family or romantic or friendship, takes a lot of effort. It takes honesty, and commitment, and yes, even messy fighting. It's sticking with someone or something even when it's not as exciting as the next thing that passes by. It is accepting we are not perfect, and allowing ourselves to really look at our flaws and actively try and work on them. Yes, it is living life with the gusto and appreciation for each day that you so desperately seem to want. But it is also crap, and heartache, and boring, not fun times. Sickness, and death, and divorce. Without going through all of that crap, and appreciating it for what it is, you can never truly appreciate the good, and remember it and hold on to the memories like you want. So, take in the bad, live through it. But stop trying to make it not real. Stop trying to live in the land of only good and happy. Find that someone, or something and when things get boring and shit happens, push through, and don't let the next shiny object distract you from your goals. Shiny things fade.
You're a good man charlie brown. I wish for you to find all that you are searching for. And that you are finally able to live life each day the way you want.
nuff said =) Feel free to delete. =)
More Life
Jamie
Thursday, September 07, 2006 3:33:00 PM
i can't begin to disagree with you more. it's so not that i'm trying to live in a space where things aren't real. where i'm trying to believe in things that aren't true. this post, taken by itself (and in saying that, i'm disavowing anything that has happened before, and merely dealing with this post) is about my yearning to life for this moment. to see the beauty in life that surrounds us constantly, in the midst of all the borishness, and divorce, and pain and disagreement. this post has absolutely nothing to do with that. so, that's where you're wrong.
what a soap opera this little corner of the world has become. i'm here to figure things out, just like every other one of you are. wise as we all like to consider ourselves, none of us really know our ass from a hole in the wall. this is all of our first (and only) time through life, so, let's all get down off our high horse and admit that we can all have opinions, but ANONYMOUS, that's bullshit. my name is here. my face is here. own up to what you say. ever imagine that it wasn't you who i was talking to?
i want to retract things i feel like saying sometimes, but you know what? fuck that. this is my place. create your own, and say what you want there. i don't want to discourage people from voicing opinions, and that's why what Jamie said won't be deleted, but i am not holding back my cards anymore.
the ignorant have to be held up to the same light as everyone else here.
Friday, September 08, 2006 2:15:00 AM
and just to clarify, when i said "alone" in this post, i wastn'b speaking romantically. i was speaking literally, meaning that i happened to be without another person who i know at that moment. so, it really takes most of the sting out of it if you just think of it the way i wrote it. i know each and every one of you has had these moments. all i want to do is discuss what it's like to be conscious of them, instead of being numb, and staggering through our lives.
this is now.
this is it.
there is nothing more than this.
no day but today.
=)
Friday, September 08, 2006 2:20:00 AM
Well just to be totally clear here...
No matter what our past, present, or future situation may be, I honestly meant no disrespect or malice. And actually I kind of wasn't commenting on the post specifically, although I referenced it. It was the post that made me have a realization. So if my comment didn't fit with what you had said, that's why.
Now, since it was dear old anonymous that prompted an email to me, I was going to once again mention that.
But the last time, when I encouraged anonymous to "grow a pair", I was chastised for asking.
Now I see you are on the same page. Good for you. So I will say it again...
Anonymous, GROW A PAIR and own up to such comments. It just makes for a better soap opera, and perhaps would bump up the readership of this here blog. So that the mighty may once again arise.
And one last thing, although I do not claim to be wise, I do however happen to know my ass very well. It is what I use to sit on my horse.
=)
I will bid you adieu until Anonymous writes something else that someone thinks is me.
=)
More Life
Jamie
Friday, September 08, 2006 8:51:00 AM
you know, i woke up this morning all stressed out about this stupid blog again. 'maybe i should just delete all the comments. maybe i should just take the damn thing down.'
but jamie's last comment changes my mind. thank you for having a sense of humor, i guess i need to have more of one myself sometimes... me being a moody prick and all. =)
Friday, September 08, 2006 1:29:00 PM
and i hope you didn't think that *I* was chastizing you last time you prompted "Anon" to grow a pair. i loved it. i thought it was funny as hell. as i do this time as well. =)
Friday, September 08, 2006 1:31:00 PM
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